Creating Forward // July 2023

"The Sunflower is Mine" - Vincent Van Gogh

Vincent Van Gogh is one of the greatest painters of all time. And, as many know, he only sold one painting while he was alive. Van Gogh’s life story is heart wrenching in many ways. As his life went on, he worked tirelessly and created more paintings in the last year of his life than many artists paint their entire career. He struggled with many things in his heart and mind. One that is very relatable for every artist I know is the struggle of creating work you love and seeing it appreciated and valued in the world. Sometimes it seems like you have to choose one. Sometimes, the process of trying to choose will eat you alive.

Sunflowers, Vincent Van Gogh, 1888, National Gallery London.

Vincent Van Gogh wanted to be known for painting sunflowers. This was a well known fact and many of his friends brought sunflowers to his funeral. He especially enjoyed painting sunflowers that had turned to seed. Van Gogh loved that sunflowers were less refined. They symbolize gratitude, and their whimsical shape and delightful color are a beauty to behold (you can read more here).

In 2009, Jason and I visited the National Gallery. We stood together, looking up at all the whimsy and color of Van Gogh’s work, and we agreed - we loved the Sunflowers. At one point, we had a print of it hanging in our home and I’m sad to say through many moves it got misplaced (Jason will tell you I donated it - there is no evidence, but I do have a bad habit of fury purging). Being a person who does not gravitate towards the color yellow, it is clear that Van Gogh has mastered the beauty and contented joy that comes from the pure yellow of sunflowers.

This summer is the first time I have done a cut flower garden. I was inspired by a dear friend after seeing the abundant beauty that comes from her hard work in the garden each year. She gifted me several packets of seeds from her own garden, including the seeds for these sunflowers. I also collected wild sunflowers, a yellow zinnia, and black-eyed susans for this bouquet - all home grown. These gifted seeds were a precious treasure to me. I carefully planted each one into the ground, hoping I did it just right, to properly steward the beauty shared with me. The process of gardening is becoming a necessary creative practice for me. It involves faith, messes, showing up to do the hard work, and watching in wonder as beauty begins to emerge.

I struggle with seasons of doubt in my own creativity. Am I doing enough to stay relevant? Where is the line between creating art I am proud of and still having to pay for groceries (why are groceries so expensive?) Does this work matter? In the planting of seeds and the weeding of the earth, I am reminded that the unseen work has intrinsic value. It is true in the garden, in raising children, in art and in good, honest work.

A deep and contented delight overcame me as I put this bouquet together and clicked a few images. I did little to no editing - I did not want to distort the true color of the sunflowers. Tiny seeds from dead sunflowers - much like the ones Van Gogh loved to paint - created all this.

Van Gogh’s work is unmatched, and I am saddened to think he never realized on this side of heaven how valued his art is. It reminds me how important this work is - and that art does not exist without community. There would be no bouquet of sunflowers without a packet of seeds lovingly picked from a dear friend. There would be no admiration for yellow flowers without Van Gogh seeing their beauty for what it really is.